i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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