The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
