i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
