It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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