Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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