you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
