508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
