I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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