his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize