So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
