Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
