is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize