Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
