just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
