Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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