Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
