he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize