Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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