I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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