we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
