By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
