Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
