3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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