take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
