my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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