I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
