Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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