This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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