I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
