she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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