There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
