I will die if light touches me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
