dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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