dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
