is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Houston, we have a squirter
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
