What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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