she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
