Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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