I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize