I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
