Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
