i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
