First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All the doctor said was why
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
