ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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