You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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