is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
