I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just gift wrapped bread.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
