smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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