areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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