You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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