I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
