I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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