So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
