I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
what day is it and did you see me today?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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