Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
