It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
