I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
