the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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