First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude i'm inner monologue high
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
