Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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