I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
